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Post by salaratara on Sept 7, 2009 14:24:04 GMT -8
Mosspelt
Mosspelt was mad ,worried and sad she wished that she could have been fighting along side her clan in the war of the cats. Even though she was mad she could not fight she knew she was told to stay at camp in case they came to the camp and tried to attack. While they were in war she had noticed that one of the kits were not there. She looked every where then decided to look outside the camp and found the kit play fighting a rotten leaf. She was relieved that she had found the kit but was also mad that he had left the camp. She was sad to think that many cats were dying out at four trees while she was lying down in her den doing nothing while she could be helping save the clans.
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Post by ZeMoufette on Sept 7, 2009 14:27:05 GMT -8
Umm, double check punctuation please, and maybe try a more personal approach? As in "Mosspelt lay in the den, anxiously waiting for the return of the warriors. She was so worried they would have to leave their territory!"
One last thing, you might want to add how she escaped from the BloodClan warriors as she was chased out of the camp.
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